大年初一

This post by Celest drew me to write about my own 初一. After having spent 3 hours travelling to 3 locales and amassing an obscene amount of red packets, I was so looking forward to the final destination for the day: Toa Payoh. And no, it ain't HER place. Neither was it for the massive red packets that would inevitably follow. Its for the people there. My nearest and dearest. My gran's place. We had to cross the road over to 姨婆's place first for our usual CNY routine: Some copious snacking of the seemingly unlimited supplies of finger food and CNY goodies. But this occasion was particularly poignant -- my 姨公 was stricken with terminal lung cancer and this particular CNY was possibly his last. The place was, as usual, immaculate -- with the exception of the various nasal applications and pain relievers. I found myself railing at the injustice of it all.

My 姨婆 was a clothes-washer in her till her retirement, having toiled through all those years to bring up my two 表姨s and 表舅. Her gait was laboured and her hands suffered from debilitating arthritis, the direct result of being stooped over washbasins for 14 hours at a stretch. She too took care of my mother and aunts, and this unconditional love for both her own children and that of her relatives' was a lesson in giving. However, I used to fear her touching me, and would usually shy away from seeing her. Why so? I found her second thumb -- an extra non-mobile appendage horrific. This childish fear was soon overcome, for her hearty "Ah Seeeennnnggg" in Cantonese when seeing me (and my maturing ways) soon led me to appreciate the golden heart of hers.

Her usual hearty greeting announced my arrival, and her fortitude and strength deeply moved me. The entire family masked the inner pain that they were all feeling, and the fact that the small 3-room flat contained some 40 individuals meant that the place was crowded beyond belief. I so very wanted to hug her, to comfort and to reach out to her, but social requirements and the fear of opening up the bottled sorrow meant that I could not do so. My heart goes out to her.....

为何这样？

My gran's place was next. I wished her health in the Cantonese vernacular. FULL STOP. Her health and mental well-being is of paramount importance to me. It took me some 3 years to get a working knowledge of Cantonese vocabulary and the various intonations right. I felt that I could better communicate with my grandparents that way. There is an effusive warm glow when my granny stands beside me, with the constant remarking :"lei dei tai, ah seng gam dai lor. Kei hai hoi pong bin ah por gam oi" (你们看，阿胜这样大了。 站在他旁边阿婆这样矮).

But 阿婆, you're so wrong. You're THE giant in my life. My dearest one.

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點蟲蟲, 蟲蟲飛。飛去邊﹖飛去荔枝畿。荔枝熟, 摘滿一包袱。

點蟲蟲,蟲蟲飛...飛去邊,飛去荔枝基!荔枝熟,無埞伏;伏去邊?伏去你個鼻哥窿!!!